Katrina
Today is dedicated to the massive Hurricane Katrina and all topics that have surfaced in the aftermath.
First and foremost, I ask each and everyone of you to say a prayer for the people of Louisiana, as well as other gulf inhabitants. Also pray for the officials and authorities who must make the life changing and redefining decisions.
When I got home from my piddling around campus today the TV was on. Of course. It's always on. But today it was tuned to FoxNews. I must say here that FoxNews is rapidly becoming my favorite news station. It brings out the liberal in me. I'm a ride the fence american. Some issues I'm right wing. Some issues I'm left wing. I can relate to both sides so much that I can't chose one. So I ride the fence. Riding the fence is really fun in my house. My
pater familias is a very outspoken and opinionated person. Having someone like that around makes for fun 'discussions.' Today was one of those fun discussions. Every topic presented by the people at FowNews added to or provided for our debate. It was a generally fun day.
One of the topics was using taxpayers money to pay for rebuilding the city of New Orleans. My father and I differed on this topic. He agreed with the contributing reporter. I disagreed. I remembered an article I read a while back about Davy Crockett. He was in Washington at Congress when he pushed for money to help families that were affected by a fire. It was passed. A bit later the same situation arose and Davy Crockett spoke against giving the funds. Upon returning to Tennessee in between instances, a man approached him and said that he disagreed with his actions at Washington. He told him that the government is not a charitable organization. Taxpayers dollars are not supposed to be used that way. A person who makes a donation to the family is one thing but to take education, roads, protecton of military, progress away and give the funds to individuals not the masses is discretionary and wrong. Davy thought about that and retold the story at the next instance. This article crossed my mind today. I thought about the Red Cross, Salvation Army, and other various organizations that are aiding the relief effort. I thought that if the government were to give tax dollars it should be specified towards the rebuilding of the city, not individual's charity. The tax dollars would be for the masses. Let jazz live.
Now to play the church card. I'm surprised I haven't heard this arguement from the right wing fundamentalists. But New Orleans being what it is or was rather, many could veiw this as a long time coming. My question though is, where is the ark? In the time of Noah, God wanted to cleanse the world, his creation, of the corruption and evil ways of man. God wanted to start anew. Some would say that the same thing happened within the last week. I do find it ironic. Some(the backwoods baptists) could even argue that it was God's intention to rid the Good Ol' US of A of the last remenants of the French. I like that idea a little better. But it's just a theory.
Also where is the the foreign aid? When the tsunami hit Asia last spring, the world waited and criticized the US for taking so long to offer support. Where's our aid? Yes we are one of the wealthiest nations in the world, however, all of our help and aid is not reciprocated. How are we expected to be the bank of the world if there are no deposits? We cannot leave this unnoticed. If the rest of the world doesn't like us so much, why do they expect our money to be so readily available to them? Why is Venezuela the only country that has offered any kind of relief? Look for more on this paragraph in future posts.
Lastly, please keep my aunt and uncle in your prayers. While they are in Mobile, not New Orleans, my aunt was still without power for a while, whilest my uncle was on a Coast Guard boat in the gulf.
Thank you and goodnite!
Conglomeration of Thoughts
It never fails. I have a million thoughts running thru my head yet I can't seem to complete even one of them. I think what's actually happening is boredom. I'm so bored that even my thoughts are keeping me entertained. I'm so numbed that nothing will hold my attention. I'm not tired, per say. I could go to sleep, but then I'd be sleeping because of nothing else better to do rather than actually needing or wanting sleep.
So last Saturday night was a bust. My friend Trista was throwing a gathering of sorts(not the magic kind) and I was feeling like making an appearance. However, after leaving the house I realize that I don't know where she lives. I called way too much with no answer. I called every one I could think of to see what was going on that night and I either got "I don't know either," or no answer at all. So needless to say I was all dressed up with no place to go. I don't know what's worse. All dressed up and no place to go or not dressed up and still no place to go. That seems to be my life's story. I decide while I'm gone that it will no longer be my story and 2 weeks after I get home, I put in an effort and nothing. Work with no yeilds.
Classes started last week. I kinda like them. I'm a little glad I switched to history. It's interesting.
I'm tired now. So goodnite!
Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think?
Where's the love?
Continued.....
I was giving this love thing another thought. While I was gone, I realized that I make my own destiny. If I want something done, it is in my power and control to make it happen. I just have to put my mind to it and it turns out better than planned. My life is up to me. But if that's true, then why o why does it not work like that with the heart? One can't just go and make love happen. It doesn't work that way. Am I so naive to think that love really does happen the way it is portrayed in the movies and magazines and other media? I keep waiting for love to find me and it never does. However, when I do try to take matters into my own hands, I'm not in control. I have no power. Things never go the way I want. I don't find love no matter what way I go about it. So what do I do? No really. What do I do? The magazines say confidence is sexy and great and what is looked for. I actually have confidance and love myself, but that area of my life hasn't changed. Sure the cool girl is the last one to settle. I'm not talking about settling. I'm just talking about something more than "damn, you're hot!" Well no shit. I know this. Why should I act naive and stupid about that? And why isit so hard for a guy to accept a girl who knows who she is, what she is, and what she wants? It's like they're scared. But it's not just a few it's all of them. I show that I'm sure of myself and then never really hear from them again, with the exception of the occasional "how ya doin?" The pleasantries and civilities that don't mean shit. AGH............ I'm done for now. I gotta sleep this off.
Where's the love?
Yes I'm starting with a renewed sense of myself. But that doesn't mean that I still don't get down days or negative ideas about me. I am still human.
I was doing a little bit of thinking today. Yes I do that from time to time. It wasn't the kind of thinking that got me down the whole day but it did present an interesting idea. The type of idea that if I didn't repeat my mantra hourly would make me depressed. I've been on this great earth for 20 years and have never been in love. Nor have I had anybody love me. Now before some of you get your panties in a wad, I'm talkin romantically. I'll get to you guys later. I've had one boyfriend in my life. A grand total of about 5 dates. And I always get the same reaction when talking to some one new. They just can't believe I'm single. How is it that a girl like you is single? They all ask. They ask this before they know what kind of girl I am. They ask before they even have a chance to find out that I'm the coolest girl they'll ever meet. They've only seen. They know nothing about me. But then after they've had a chance to get to know me a little bit, just a little bit, I get dropped just like that. Not a word. No "that's just not what I'm looking for right now." No "let's just stay friends." No word at all. Now I know I don't exactly let people in, and I tend to turn down a few offers. But it never fails that when I am interested, it never goes anywhere. If I'm not interested, these guys just bug the hell out of and just don't get that I'm not interested. For both messages, I've tried subtlety; I've tried sincerity; I've been a condescending bitch as well as compassionate person. But today I asked myself "what is wrong with me? Why do I run(in some way or another) every one of them off?" I've never chased guys or defined myself by a guy's definition, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of inadaquacy.
To be continued................
Back to School
Classes start tomorrow. Yeppers. Tomorrow. I've never been able to stop my mind. It's always going and constantly changing. But I think I'm growing up. My nonstop mind has turned its focus towards decisions. I think I might have actually decided on a major that makes me happy. I'm actually going to sign a peice of paper saying that I want to teach history. I changed my mind once again, and I think for good. So I start my journey through history through the eyes of textbooks tomorrow. At 8 in the AM. I have an 8 o clock MWF. I have a night class on Tuesday. My schedule leaves a little to be desired but my classes themselves have me excited. I want to learn now. But then fall tends to bring that feeling also. Fall is supposed to be a time of death, but many find it to be a time of renewal. It's just as refreshing as Spring.
My parents are selling their house and since I'm currently living with them, I'm looking to move into my own place when they move out. I've been looking at places but don't have a roommate. It's hard on a college student to live without roommates.
I start working tomorrow also. Hopefully in about 3 weeks I'll start my 2nd gig. It's nothing big just something to help pay the bills or for food. 2 part time gigs. Full time classes. My head is gonna hurt come Halloween. Oh well!
I'm going to bed. Those 8 oclocks will kill ya.
Good Morning
So today I start a new chapter to my life. This part of my life didn't just start today but my putting it into words did. This summer was a clarifying summer for me. I was depressed for some of it, tipsy for most of it, and disoriented for all of it. I spent the summer living abroad, and I realize that without the rain there is no rainbows. It poured this summer. No really I got sick from getting caught in a downpour. But I not only see the rainbow, I see the pot of gold at the end. I see that the pot isn't always filled with gold either. It's filled with memories, happiness, and dreams. Or my pot is. My paradigm shifted. My priorities changed. My "Big To-Do" list was altered. I'm still me but a completely different person. I know that sounds contradictory but it's not really. A side of me that's always been quieter and not really visible decided to be seen. It's still me. A year ago I moved back home in with my parents after the toughest and best year of my life. After moving back, I was feeling sorry for myself and not taking responsiblity for my own happiness. I was being a stick in the mud saving all my money so I could escape to a place I thought would be better. I was still unhappy and blaming the place. But gradually, I began to see that happiness is what you make it. And you have to make it. It doesn't just happen. I'm still if not more so a free spirit after these realizations. I want to travel the world thrice over. I've resolved to make friends, to expand my circle and not say no to invitations just because. I won't be shy, either. I will get back into my people loving self.
I'm going to be happy.
