Seize The Carp

Where's the love?

Yes I'm starting with a renewed sense of myself. But that doesn't mean that I still don't get down days or negative ideas about me. I am still human.
I was doing a little bit of thinking today. Yes I do that from time to time. It wasn't the kind of thinking that got me down the whole day but it did present an interesting idea. The type of idea that if I didn't repeat my mantra hourly would make me depressed. I've been on this great earth for 20 years and have never been in love. Nor have I had anybody love me. Now before some of you get your panties in a wad, I'm talkin romantically. I'll get to you guys later. I've had one boyfriend in my life. A grand total of about 5 dates. And I always get the same reaction when talking to some one new. They just can't believe I'm single. How is it that a girl like you is single? They all ask. They ask this before they know what kind of girl I am. They ask before they even have a chance to find out that I'm the coolest girl they'll ever meet. They've only seen. They know nothing about me. But then after they've had a chance to get to know me a little bit, just a little bit, I get dropped just like that. Not a word. No "that's just not what I'm looking for right now." No "let's just stay friends." No word at all. Now I know I don't exactly let people in, and I tend to turn down a few offers. But it never fails that when I am interested, it never goes anywhere. If I'm not interested, these guys just bug the hell out of and just don't get that I'm not interested. For both messages, I've tried subtlety; I've tried sincerity; I've been a condescending bitch as well as compassionate person. But today I asked myself "what is wrong with me? Why do I run(in some way or another) every one of them off?" I've never chased guys or defined myself by a guy's definition, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of inadaquacy.

To be continued................

posted by Unknown @ 23:13