For you Katie
So I was talking with my buddy the other night saying how life is pretty boring right now. Nothing bad nothing good. Lots of stress. But I also had said that life was pretty great at the same time. NOthing spectacular is going on in my life, by all accounts, I'm bored and boring. But I've got my dreams.
Now I'm not really a Terri Clark fan. I'm not a big nashville fan. But I like the words to this song. Not all apply, but most do. It's the general message that I really love.
I'm sitting in traffic
For the 5th year in a row
Wasting my time
Just to get
Where I don't even wanna go
I started jaunting things down
On a krispy kreme sack
Everything I'd do
If I could leave this place
And never look back
I wanna do it all
Visit Paris in the fall
Watch the Yankee's play ball
I wanna take it all in
Catch a few beads
Down at Mardi Gras
Start a tradition
Lay down the law
I wanna do it all
I want to drink tequila
Down in Tijuana
Say why not
When somebody says
Hey do you wanna
I wanna get my heart broke
Once or twice
Settle down with the love of my life
Rock little babies to sleep at night
I wanna do it all
Visit Paris in the fall
Watch the Yankee's play ball
I wanna take it all in
Catch a few beads
Down at Mardi Gras
Start a tradition
Lay down the law
I wanna do it all
I wanna stand today
Every now and then
Just doing what I want to do
When I wanna do it
Anytime I wanna do it
I wanna do it all
Visit Paris in the fall
Watch the Yankee's play ball
I wanna take it all in
Catch a few beads
Down at Mardi Gras
Start a tradition
Lay down the law
I wanna do it all
See Niagara falls
Fight city hall
Feel good in my skin
Beating the odds
With my back to the wall
Trying to rob Peter
Without paying Paul
I wanna do it all
I wanna do it all
I wanna do it all
Some of these I've done. Some I haven't. But it does bring me to that list I've been meaning to put on here.
Big To Do:
1. Visit some place new every year.
2. Step foot on every continent on this earth.
3. Fall in love....reall true love.
4. Have my heart broken...I mean broken not disappointed.
5. Do something productive with the family farm.
6. Build a nice big IRA.
I'm sure that list will change, grow, and dwindle as time goes by but for right now at this time in my life, it's pretty dead on.
People Kill Me
Ok I have one question for the people of Oklahoma. Are you really that stupid??????? I mean really. Do you really think that Hurricane Rita is going to hit Oklahoma??? Serioiusly. Sure we might get some remnants of rain, maybe even a little bit of wind, but do you really deem it nessecary to board up your windows? My god people. The worst that could happen is the warm air from Rita will mix with the cold air coming from Colorado and we get a tornado. You remember those dark spinning things that come in the spring time. That's worst case scenario. You're scared of something that's not relevant to OK, and don't even think about the true possibilities. Where is the common sense? Do we have any? Boarding your windows?!?!
So back to Katrina for a little bit. I now fully believe that any fault to be found in the wake of Katrina is ENTIRELY on the mayor of New Orleans and the Governer of Louisiana and the people of that beautiful crime-ridden place. Move people back into N.O. with another Cat 4/5 hurricane on the way? Wait and see what happens? Are you kidding me? New Orleans! Louisiana! You elected these idiots into office. Is the bourbon really that good as to effect who you put in office? Or was there a voodoo curse they were gonna cast on you if you didn't?
I have always maintained the theory of survival of the fittest. The strong, smart, macgyver/injun scouts will be those that do well. Hence, I claim libertarianism as my position on the political spectrum. People will govern themselves and the weak will die. Then reality kicks me in the ass. Boot To The Head!!!! If life were like this, I would be one of only about O say 7 people left on this planet. Ok maybe more than 7. I forgot about the geniuses in China. So the population of China, me, and 6 other people. J/K. But seriously. In reality, we've let our fellow man become blundering idiots and should really take responsibility for that. So if there is any one out there reading this and can't read it because of any hinderance I cause(d) to your learning process I'm sorry. I take responsiblity for your stupidity and will shoot you out back later to correct my mistake. See in this one paragraph you've seen the tree hugging liberal and the NRA loving conservative in me. An Elyse divided against itself will not stand.
There is a TV news station here in OKC that has this segment called The Rant. This bit is about postings/rantings on the
station's website. The latest one I watched was about, I take that back I didn't watch it. I got disgusted after 15 seconds into the bit. It was about how people have literally fell ill because of the Sooners dismal season. Seriously, people have complained about nausea, headaches, and other flu-like symptoms. People are complaining about the direction the fearless leader (Bob Stoops) is taking the program. Coach Stoops, I have to ask you, did you not read your contract before you signed with OU? Did you not see Article I, Section I, Paragraph I of your contract? You should've; it's the first line. It says that, and I quote, "by signing with the University of Oklahoma as Head Coach I herein assume all responsibilty for the physical, emotional, and beer-drenched mental well being of all die-hard
and fairweather fans in the state of Oklahoma and The United States of America." The people of Oklahoma had the legislature write that part up. It is so important to this state's way of life. I wasn't old enough to vote for its implementation.
O big news out of OKC. Mayor Mick Cornett and the NBA have struck a deal. The NBA is allowing Mick a chance in the Big League of Major Cities. Prior to yesterday, Mick has only played in the Little League of Minor Cities. No really the New Orleans Hornets Formerly Known As The Charlotte Hornets will now be known as the OKC Hornets. Who am I kidding? OKC isn't in the name. That's not part of the deal. So the Homeless Hornets are playing this season in OKC. This development has speculators speculating (cause that's what they do, speculate) that this could be the chance for OKC to have a major sports franchise become a permanent fixture here. Mick, I'm really glad you're an optimist, but when the season's over will you be a realist? Or is your term up by then? The people won't pay an extra 2 cents to rebuild the roads and highways. How are they going to afford tickets for a major NBA team? that's right. the liberals in Tulsa will push to get higher welfare checks and higher limits on access cards so the people can enjoy this new novelty. No I'm not talkin about the Hornets. OK is the home of fairweather fans. We're not going to support a team that went 16-64 last year. Sure we'll come to see Shaq, LaBron, Tim, and Allen, not whoever it is that plays for the Homeless Hornets. God I should be in marketing. That's catchy. So citizens of OKC, open up your hearts and your pocketbooks to help out these poor homeless. It's the only chance we have for permanancy.
In conclusion
All stupid people should be shot!
Wax
Warning: Content may not be suitable for children or males. This is not a true story of me. It is a retelling.
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them t together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right)!I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!Vision returning , I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.I want to see my trophy -- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do some thing. So I put my foot down.DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut!.... Butt?? ...Sealed shut!I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*I get in the tub -- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has somesecret of how to get me undone.It's a very good conversation starter - - - -"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MYGOD!!!!!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care."IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. No thing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Music
So I'm watching CMT's 100 Greatest Duets right now. I love country music. Yes I'm a rock girl, but there's something about country music that just brings a smile to my heart. With rock, I'm awed and in a state of paralyzation just from the cool that rock is. But country makes me happy. It makes me wanna dance, drink, cry, love, and live. It opens my heart.
So my plight has become the ridicule of my father and other males in my family. "Why do ya keep chasing these guys off?" I don't chase at all. There's no point in chasing. "She has a list of rules and gives it to these guys before she goes on a date with 'em. If they don't follow a rule, 'here you didn't follow number 7', sorry no date." Thanks guys. Cause that helps. I'm such a perfectionist and driven person. If I want something, I go get it. I feel like such a failure in this part of my life. That's one thing with my generation, we were taught that failure is not an option. If you fail, you're nothing. We weren't taught about the lows of life. So I'm a failure at love. But don't ya have to have done/tried, before ya can succeed or fail? I haven't had that opportunity really. I mean 1 boyfriend, ever. So if I technically haven't failed why do I feel like it?
I've been making friends these last few weeks. But they're more like partying buddies. Which we all need those, but I don't know yet if I would talk to them outside of the reach of alcohol. But there is potential. Smile!
Life
I wonder what life is like without super glue? I mean if one has super glue, he/she can fix just about anything that ever needs fixin. God Bless the chemist that stumbled across super glue. And I damn him at the same time. It's really awkward typing right now. My thumbs are awfully numb.
I'm ready to move out. Ok not financially or even logistically, but psychologically. I'm ready to get my own place. My mom and a friend of ours are having a garage sale tomorrow and Sat. I don't want to get up at 6:30 in the morning.
I guess I better get to sleep.
G'nite!
Death by Chocolate with Disappointing Nuts
Yep that's right. Thank you Paige for that. She/we came up with that at work on Saturday. It sums up my last 3 weeks. I've had so much chocolate and no nuts. Through Saturday afternoon I was just bleh. Then I went to UCO's home opener.
DII is so not DI football. It really is just glorified high school. But that made it really entertaining. I had fun with my peeps, went to dinner afterward, and then at the last minute found a party. It was fun. It was enough to make up for at least last Friday night. Played a couple drinking games. It really surprises me how many people in this state do not know the game f*#$ the dealer. So I taught the how to's. And we so f*#$ed this one guy up. We cheated him so bad. It was funny. I spent some time talking, ya know minglin. My chocolate intake might be going down soon. But I'm gonna try and not get my hopes up. Ya just never know tho. I didn't get home until 4 am. I haven't had a night like that in I don't know how long. It was refreshing, kinda. It gave me something to smile about. I'm still smiling.
Muah!
Harumpf!!!! I say harumpf!
3 weeks............
3 weeks............
In the last 3 weeks, I've been asked out about 4 times, made plans, but then never actually had a date. 3 weeks and 4 cancellations. No not even cancellations. Just no call period. It was more like being stood up. 4 different guys, mind you. I'm starting to think that it's me. I mean why else would 4 different guys stand me up like that? There's gotta be something about me that says "Don't waste your minutes on me." But I'm not a waste of minutes. I'm a damn good investment. But it's more than just a coincidence after 4 times.
What do I do?
I need to cry is what I need to do. But I just can't.
Tuesdays, eh?
So Tuesdays are my off days. I have classes but one of them is a night class which keeps me from working. So I get to sleep in then waste gas going to my morning class. It really is a waste of gas. Then chill for about 7 hours. I could be reading but my professor is so very ambiguous about the reading assignments. It makes it rather difficult. Especially since the class is a reading class with lectures. The tests are only from the readings. Yes difficult.
I've been bored all day. Nothing good on TV. I don't like surfin the net really. I need something to do.
I'm gonna eat now.
New
So I guess I should write something new huh? Well, um....Thursday was fun. A lot of fun. Ok well Thursday night was a lot of fun. I went out drinking at the Fox and Hound with the bro and cuz and a friend. We got shnammered. Friday I recovered. I worked all day today. Didn't get to watch football. But did listen to the Sooners lose. yeah! I'm tired now...I'll write more tomorrow. G'nite.
